The Count's World, Episode 9 Castle Bleck Breakin
by The Great Allie
Summary: The minions return from a mission to find that someone has broken into the castle. Now they have to track him down and make it right, as well as install new security measures in the castle.
1. 9 dash 1

EPISODE 9-1

Count Bleck and his minions were returning after a long day out. It was late evening, the time to sit back in front of the fire with a cozy drink and mentally prepare yourself for bed. There was a lot of excitement as they all came in the front entryway, barreling in like charging bulls. There would be a lot of winding down to do.

"I can't believe we don't go out to eat more often," Mimi was saying as they went in. Mimi was dressed in her best going-out-to-town outfit, with a long blue sundress and a fake pearl necklace, low heels and a floppy hat with a flower on the brim. She was carrying Félicie in a matching handbag. Félicie poked her head out and panted energetically.

"We should do more missions in culinary towns," added Dimentio. "The meal was absolutely delectable, a festival of flavor for my palate."

"Don't forget chasing down the giant Koopa Robot," Mr L. piped up. "I didn't think we'd _ever_ catch him! Good thing Brobot was there. That was the coolest mission ever."

"Ah, even if we didn't 'ave that great metal warrior, I could o' handled it meself." O'Chunks thumped his chest. "'Ardly a challenge worthy o' me time."

"Yes, yes, it was a wonderful day," said Count Bleck absently. He stopped walking and spread his arms out low. The minions stopped behind him.

"What's up?" asked Mr. L.

"Something's wrong here," said Count Bleck.

He held up his staff and looked around. There was the usual end table for incoming and outgoing things, the coat rack for visitors as it always was… but did they leave all the hall doors open when they left that morning?

"Hey, Count, there's broken glass over here!" Mimi called from the sitting room doorway.

Count Bleck hurried into the sitting room and looked. There was a large, lacy window on the wall, like the tessellated honeycombs seen often in the background of Castle Bleck. The beautiful work of art had been smashed, and broken glass was scattered across the floor.

Count Bleck sagged.

"Somebody's broken in," he announced.

"WHAT?"

"Broken in?"

"A burgler?"

"Our castle?"

"What'd he take?"

"What happened?"

"OUR castle?"

"Let me see!"

"ENOUGH!" Count Bleck cried, holding his hands up. "Be quick. Let's first check and see if anything is missing. Now think… what is the most valuable thing we have?"

They all thought for a moment.

"The Dark Prognosticus!" Count Bleck thumped his hand in his fist. "I'll go see if it's safe." He turned and swiftly exited

"I shall check on my valuable coin collection," said Dimentio.

"You're a numismatist?" Mr. L said in surprise.

"I have hobbies," Dimentio replied. "You don't know _everything_ about me." And with that he, too, left.

"My diary!" Mimi shrieked.

"Mimi, I don't think they broke into the castle to read your diary."

"Yeah, but what if they found it!" And she, too, ran out of the room.

"Nastasia!" O'Chunks exclaimed. "She didn't come out wit' the rest o' us! Argh, if the brute laid one finger on 'er, I'll flatten 'im like a…" he shook his fist menacingly, but trailed off.

"Pancake?" suggested Mr. L.

"Ah, I was hopin' for somethin' a little more…" he shrugged. "Aye, pancake. Flatten 'im like a pancake." And he, too, left.

"Well," said Mr. L. "I guess somebody's got to clean up the broken glass." So he fetched a broom and a dustpan and got started on that.

* * *

"Timpani!" Count Bleck threw the door open to their room. "Timpani, are you in here?"

Tippi was sitting on top of the bureau. "Of course I am," she said. "I told you I was staying in today. What's gotten into you?"

"Thank goodness you're all right," he said, sighing with relief. "It looks like somebody broke into the castle. In the sitting room. The window's smashed."

Tippi gasped. "Oh, my word! I didn't realize—I was in here the whole time! I wouldn't have known!"

"That's good to hear," said Count Bleck. "If you didn't know, I can assume nothing happened to you. I can also assume that no one was in here. But just to be sure…" He opened the bottom drawer of the bureau all the way, reached behind it and pulled up a false floor panel, where he was currently hiding the Dark Prognosticus. He often changed its hiding place, often for no reason at all. This time he claimed it was because K. Man Koopa knew where it was.

It was still there, wrapped in a pair of O'Chunk's stinky socks as a final security measure. He clutched the book to his chest. "The worlds are safe," he sighed. He wrapped it up and put it back. Then he picked up Tippi on his finger. "Whatever happened, I'm glad you're safe."

"Are you talking to me or the book?"

"Don't be silly, Timpani, books don't have ears."

She snickered.

"It's a big castle," said Count Bleck. "I'm not surprised you didn't hear him, and even more so I'm relieved. I don't want you to go through any more danger on my account."

"Your account?"

"It's my castle, after all."

"Of course."

* * *

They assembled in the meeting room, all seven of them. Each of them had taken a section of the castle to search, same as they did when the Count was missing. They'd also gone over their own rooms with a fine-toothed comb, perhaps more carefully than they did anywhere else.

"Report," said Count Bleck. "Tell Nastasia everything that's missing, and she'll file a report."

Nastsasia clicked her pen open and held up her clipboard.

"Nothin' to report o' mine," said O'Chunks. "I checked the whole area an' didn't see a thing out o' place."

"Me, neither," said Mr. L.

"My coin collection is missing," said Dimentio darkly.

"So's my diary!" Mimi wailed. She was on the verge of hysterics.

Count Bleck looked at her. "Mimi I doubt very highly that someone broke into our castle and stole your diary."

"You saw the broken glass!" she shrieked, hiccupping with tears.

"No," he said, annoyed. "I mean, I doubt that _while_ they were broken in, they stole a diary. I doubt that the two things happened _together_, you see?" He crossed his first two fingers to demonstrate 'together.'

"WELL, IT'S GONE!"

"Did you check in your pillowcase?" asked Dimentio?

"Uh huh."

"Between the mattress and the box springs?"

"Uh huh."

"Top shelf of the closet?"

"(sniff) Uh-huh." She blew her nose on her sleeve.

"Dresser drawer, under the jewelry box?"

"Uh huh."

"On the desk, under your catalogues?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, I'm out of ideas," said Dimentio. "Oh, wait- behind the vanity?"

"I checked everywhere!" she screeched. "It's totally gone!"

"What about your rupees?" asked Count Bleck.

"Those too," said Mimi, dabbing her eyes. "My precious, precious rupees. I shoulda left 'em at Merlee's mansion."

"Don't you, like, work there?" asked Mr. L.

"Shh!" she put her finger to her lips. "Don't confuse them!"

"Confuse who?"

"Too late."

"Nastasia," said Count Bleck, who had stopped listening after Mimi had said 'those too.' "Do you have anything to report missing?"

"My gold-plated fountain pen," replied Nastasia.

"Ah yes, the graduation present. I'm terribly sorry about that."

"Thank you for your concern," she said. She continued writing.

Count Bleck turned to his minions. "Now, do you know what we're going to do about this?"

"Call Detective Pennington?"

"No," said Count Bleck. "We're going to catch him ourselves."

"Ah," said O'Chunks. "I _like_ revenge. Good fer yer warrior honor, eh?"

"Not revenge," said Count Bleck. "Revenge does not bring peace. No, we're going to do this because tracking down our own burglar is a good step to making the world a better place."

"Oh, jeeze," groaned Mimi. "We're not gonna, like, chase away his personal demons and try to make him a good person, are we? Cause that's totally lame. And boring."

"Well," said Count Bleck, "Something like that…"

"Aye, I can't imagine lookin' on the face o' the man who violated the sanctity o' this castle we call home an' _not_ givin' him a taste o' these chunks!" O'Chunks struck a pose.

"I agree with the other two," said Dimentio. "Stealing a numismatist's collection is something that simply cannot be forgiven, nor forgotten. I would like to settle the score on him… with magic!"

"I like giving in to peer pressure," said Mr. L, "so I agree with them."

"Look at it this way," said Count Bleck. "Would the world be better off with one more true-hearted citizen, or one more jail cell filled up? Think of our goal, my friends."

Mimi put her face in her hands. They all groaned.

Count Bleck leaned back and sighed. Then he straightened back up. "Of course, if that doesn't work," the Count said slowly, putting his hand to his chin thoughtfully. "Well, then… perhaps for old times sake… I suppose…" and he trailed off.

"YES!" they all cheered.

"Blumiere," said Tippi warningly.

"Sorry, love," he said. "If I want to keep my minions on board, I have to keep them happy. I'll meet them halfway on this one."

Tippi giggled. "Yeah, yeah, I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to this."

"My dear, you had _no_ idea."


	2. 9 dash 2

EPISODE 9-2

Soon after the robbery had been established, Mimi and Dimentio were in the sitting room looking for clues as to who might have broken in.

"Whoever it was must be good at dimension-hopping," Dimentio had established. "For even though this castle is no longer in the heart of the void, it is difficult for an ordinary person to travel to."

So while Count Bleck and Tippi researched different places and people notable for dimensional activity, Mimi and Dimentio played detective at the scene of the crime.

"Aha!" said Mimi, peering through an oversized magnifying glass. "There seems to be broken glass on the inside of the sitting room. The burglar must have broken the window to gain entry!"

"Fascinating," said Dimentio. "Did you think of that all by yourself?"

"I just wanted to say 'aha' and I didn't have a better reason to," said Mimi.

"Well, if you don't have anything important to say, it's best to keep your words to yourself, lest you look like a fool."

Dimentio lowered himself to the floor and began to examine the room closely, scanning surfaces, checking behind and under objects, and looking at everything from as many different angles as he could manage. Mimi crawled around on the floor with her magnifying glass.

"Oh, this is stupid," she said. "I don't see any clues at all."

"I see no evidence left behind either," agreed Dimentio, "but that in itself may be a clue. Not only are we dealing with a notable dimension-hopper, but also an accomplished burglar. Or… perhaps more than one was involved?"

"Oooh, that's good!" Mimi pulled out a tiny, glittery notebook from one dress pocket, and a furry feather-topped pen from the other. She scribbled down a few notes.

"What is _that_?" Dimentio asked disdainfully.

"My detective notebook," said Mimi. "All good detectives carry around a notebook so they can write down anything they need to remember for when they don't. Remember it, that is."

"Is it required for it to be so glittery?"

"No, but there's no rule _against_ it, so why not?"

"Why not, indeed."

"Well, I'm done," said Mimi, snapping her notebook shut. "There's no clues here."

"Perhaps we could try and reconstruct the burglar's actions by following a trail of disturbance around the castle."

"Huh?"

"I said, let's go and find out where he went, and maybe there will be clues there," clarified Dimentio."

"That's not what you just said."

"Yes, it is."

"No, you used different words."

"But I said the same thing."

"No, I meant I didn't _hear_ you, not that I didn't understand you."

"Ah. I shall keep that possibility in mind for future interactions. Now I must ask you to refrain from speaking, as it causes me great distress."

"Okey-dokey." Mimi knew she was being insulted, but since she wasn't quite sure how she decided to save her energy.

* * *

Meanwhile, Nastasia had business of her own. The break-in had made it clear to Count Bleck that castle security would be an issue in the future, and her job was to find ways to make the castle more secure.

"I'm not interested in a lockdown type of system," Count Bleck had explained. "I don't want the doors fitted with bars or complex locks on every door. I just want something that will make it dangerous to try and break into the castle."

They had brainstormed a list- burglar alarms, secret traps, guard dogs, different locks, magic spells- and eventually it was left up to Nastasia to find what she thought best.

Her first stop was in a small, pixilated dimension. According to Tippi, there was a being here who had a very notable security system of his own design, so Nastasia had called ahead and asked to meet with him about installing as similar one in Castle Bleck.

Nastasia arrived at his castle and knocked on the door. A small, square Bigmeow robot answered.

"Meow," it said, "Master Francis has been expecting you."

"Yeah, that's great," said Nastasia. "So, then, can Igo ahead and come in?"

"Please follow me to Master Francis's room," said the Bigmeow.

Nastasia followed the odd little robot down the castle hallway. Several other Bigmeows were patrolling the hallways, clucking to themselves about the various tasks Francis had them perform. On the wall were posters from various anime programs, and there were display pedestals with action figures on them. Castle Bleck had decorations too, she thought, but he had the good taste to display works of art or lovely plants.

The Bigmeow stopped at a large, cat-shaped door. "Master Francis," the Bigmeow called, "Your client is here to see you."

"Send her on in!" Francis called out. "I'll be right with you when I finished this level!"

The Bigmeow entered the security override code and let Nastasia in. She stepped through the door and found herself in the geek's inner sanctum. There was a large display of collected butterflies on one wall, a large gaming entertainment system on another, and stacks of comics littering the rest. She carefully stepped over some valuable Issue #1s and stood quietly behind Francis as he attempted to finish his game.

"Nerr her her her!" he laughed. "I've just gotta cream the Helmasaur King and then we can talk business."

"That's not very professional of you," said Nastasia.

Francis didn't hear her- he just landed an arrow to the Helmasaur's exposed forehead jewel and cried, "Yes! Nailed 'im! Schweet."

A few arrows later, Francis had slain the beast and rescued the maiden in the crystal. "I love this part," he said. "Saving hot babes is what video games are all about."

Nastasia didn't feel the need to answer.

He tossed the controller aside, and the game remained forever frozen on a single line of dialogue- a de facto pausing point.

"Whoa," he said, as he looked at her for the first time. "You know, over the phone, you sounded _way_ hotter."

"Thank you, I will take that as a compliment for my voice."

"No, uh, I mean- I just wanted to—you're not actually that—"

Nastasia straightened her glasses. "Can we talk business?" she asked. "Yeah, so my boss has some issues with security. I was wondering if your own personal system would be suited for our needs."

Talking about his own custom design, Francis seemed more at ease. It's a general rule of the universe. Get a nerd to talk about something they're interested and they're at home.

"Oh, man, this system is so schweeet," he told her. "See, you put it on any door you have and program it to recognize who you want to give entry to. If it sees someone you'd potentially like to let in, you can program 10 security questions for him or her to answer. If they don't get 'em right, they get the kitty lasers!"

"Kitty lasers?"

"Yeah, those are pretty schweet, too. It shoots lasers out of the door and tracks down the guy who tried to get into your room. I have mine programmed to recognize me and totally hot babes."

"I see…"

"So, whaddaya think? Wanna try it for yourself?"

"I'll have to think about it," replied Nastasia. "I'm not certain that my boss would approve of 'kitty lasers.'"

"Oh," said Francis, nodding solemnly. "He's an _Inu no Futari_ fan, isn't he?"

"I haven't asked him," said Nastasia. Then, about the security system, "I'm just not sure how this is going to work."

"It could _never_ work out after what those INF fans did to us after the third season of _Starship X-Naut,_" said Francis, blindly misunderstanding her. "Ner her her her… but we got 'em back after the series finale!"

Nastasia shook her head. "Hm-mm-mm. Yeah, I didn't understand a word of that. Besides, everybody knows that the best TV shows are only discovered on the second running. The first-run ones are over-exposed and wind up being phony."

"What!" Francis barked. "No way! The Grodus Chronicles is still going strong!"

"Yeah," said Nastasia. "Whatever helps you get through the days."

"What are you talking about? The last season's official episode board had over ten million forum posts alone! Filter out the spam and you've still got something real impressive! Lots of people know how schweet it is!"

"I suppose if something gets enough exposure it's bound to attract attention," said Nastasia. "But I'm not here to discuss trite science fiction programs. I'm much more interested in your security system. Perhaps if you removed the kitty part it would fit in better."

"That's like taking the spots off a Toad!" Francis protested.

"It's either no kitty or no sale."

"No sale! You can't just—HZZZOORT!"

On reflex, Nastasia grabbed him in a hypno-lock. She was frustrated and didn't like reasoning with people when she could easily make them see things here way. After she realized what she'd done, she wondered if it was really such a bad thing. Right away he said, "Hail Bleck! I'm going to get to work preparing the new security system for you! I promise, it's gonna be the schweeetist thing ever."

"That's much better," said Nastasia. "Oh, and one more thing: what is the best anime of all time?"

"_Kyushutsu Dai Sakusen_!"

"That's what I thought, but I wasn't sure."

* * *

_I don't know if it's just me or not, but whenever I find a show that I really love and want to follow, it's been over and done for years and I'm left to pick up the reruns and purchase second-gen merchandise. And missing any theatrical releases that might have come with the show… and the worst part is the constant fear that the reruns will be pulled without warning. Tell me it's not just me. Or if it is, then don't._

_And, of course, the best anime is the kind you have to hunt down the DVDs online for, because they never show it on TV. I wonder if anyone can guess MY animes..._


	3. 9 dash 3

_I would like to share two things. First, this story was entirely dictated through computer software, and the only typing I did was editing when it when it would be faster._

_Second, something strange happened I was at work a while ago (this is actually a funny story). About a half-hour before my shift ended, I went to the back room. I work in a library, by the way. Anyway, when they went in, I noticed that there was this horrible smell. I asked my manager if he knew what it was, and he said no but he was looking for it. Nobody else seems to know what it was, either. By the time I was ready to go home, we still were not able to identify the smell. Thankfully, I know that some of my coworkers knew what natural gas smelled like, so the first thing I thought was just that it was uncanny (you know, for those of you who remember Twilight Trouble.)_

* * *

"Blumiere, look at this," Timpani cried excitedly. She fluttered up to his desk in the study excitedly.

"What is it?" Count Bleck put down the gigantic tome he was flipping through them over at her.

"I found something," she said. "About dimension changing. It was in the 'Shell Times' magazine."

"A news periodical?" Count Bleck glanced from the thin and colorful magazine to his enormous bland textbook with a disapproving scowl. "Very well," he said, marking the page and closing the book. "Show Count Bleck what you have discovered."

"It's kind of an old article," she said. "I've been a subscriber for years. This is an article about the Exor Rift."

"The Exor Rift?" Count Bleck frowned. "Wait, I've heard of that... Isn't an Exor a kind of sword?"

"Exor was a gigantic sword from another world. He acted as a portal to another dimension before he was destroyed. By Mario," she added, with a hint of a grin.

"Oh, right, your boyfriend, teased Count Bleck."

"He is not!" Tippi squawked.

"So, what's the Exor Rift?" asked Count Bleck.

"A place in space that's very flimsy, dimensionally," Tippi explained. "Someone who can't normally work dimensions could accomplish such a feat in the Exor Rift. It's still being studied, but they're pretty sure it has something to do with his being there. A giant sword that could change dimensions might have slashed the very dimensional fabric itself."

"Worth investigating." Count Bleck flipped through the magazines. "Where is the Exor Rift?"

"Bowser's keep," said to be. "A fortress near the edge of the Koopa kingdom. Bowser's got quite a few castles," she added for Count Bleck puzzled look. "I mean, more than one, anyway. That's just good battle tactics. Otherwise you would get stomped every time you go to war."

"It's a good thing you're in information pixel right now," said Count Bleck, "or else I'd be wondering how you knew that."

Just then Mimi and Dimentio popped into the room, startling the Count horribly.

"Those doors aren't just for show, lovely as they are," he said, after regaining composure.

"Ah, this is true," said Dimentio. "However, I am here to express regret on a different subject-"

"Never mind that now, Count Bleck interrupted impatiently. I have an assignment for you two. Go and visit the Exor Rift and see if any suspicious types have access to it."

"You can count on us, Count!" Mimi said. "I'm all over it!"

"Convenient for you," Dimentio whispered. "Now it won't matter you can't dig up any clues."

They poped out.

"Ah," said count Bleck, touching two fingers to the side of his head. "Nastasia is home."

* * *

Nastasia was standing out front of the castle, a thick binder in one hand and the chains of three chomps in the other. Permission had gone successfully, and now she was ready to show Count Bleck what she had brought home. She hoped he would be pleased.

"I take it went well?" Count Bleck said as he appeared in the doorway.

"Highly trained guard chomps," said Nastasia, gesturing with her right hand. The change rattled as she did. "I purchased them from Bowser and got quite a wonderful bargain."

"And who's going to be taking care of these?" asked Count Bleck.

"Will make Dimentio do it."

They both laughed.

Nastasia set the chomps free. They began bounding around excitedly, exploring their new environment. They were still while, but not feral. They were trained to live outside and protect the Castle. Disaster would be kept to a minimum as long as they didn't cross the threshold.

"I'm still not crazy about the idea of chomps living around here," said Count Bleck. "You promise that they're trained not to be horrible?"

"Secretaries honor," said Nastasia. "These are probably better trained than any of your other minions."

"Well, that was uncalled for."

Of course, they both laughed again.

"What about the other hand?" Asked Count Bleck.

"I have a guy coming in tomorrow between 8-12 to install our new security system. This is the information."

"Great!"

"How do you feel about kitty lasers?"

"Uhh…"

* * *

Croco the purple gator leaned back on his seat and put his feet up. How does crime pay, they ask him. Pretty darn good, he answers. Those of you who have played Super Mario RPG remember that Bowser's keep was the last place you saw Croco. Well, he never left. He rented a small room in Bowser's keep where he stored and sold his ill-gotten gains Bowser didn't care as long as he got the perks. That means he greased a few claws and let Bowser get first dibs at the good stuff.

Business had been booming especially well lately. He had discovered a new way to extend his crime. No longer to be have to be satisfied with running around, just outside the keep, in Mushroom Kingdom, and if he was lucky making the trip across the world to Moleville. He discovered a strange phenomenon right there in the keep that could take him almost wherever he wanted to go. Of course, it was very difficult to get places at first, but like with anything he practiced and he learned. And now he found himself looting places he didn't even know existed.

Mimi and Dimentio appeared in the middle of the room, quite suddenly. Croco jumped in surprise. He ducked behind to create before they noticed that they were not alone in the room.

"Are you sure this is the right place?" Mimi asked. She and Dimentio were pouring over a map. The Exor Rift was marked on it. "This just doesn't look right."

"I admit I was wrong before," Dimentio replied. "I think, however, that I am not wrong forever."

"Oh!" Mimi looked around as if she had suddenly realized, where they were. "This does look an awful lot like a keep, doesn't it?"

"Well, I would have to think about that." Dimentio gave her a tired look.

Croco decided right now that these two were not threats to him, although it was strange how they just popped in. He came out of hiding. He waved at them and tried to look friendly interesting, because that always makes it easier to cheat someone.

"Welcome to my shop," said Croco. He pulled his thief sack out from behind the crate and opened it up. "What can I do for you?"

"Oh look," said Mimi. "There someone here. Maybe we can ask him for directions."

"I think that would be an incredibly foolish idea," said Dimentio.

"What brings you to my neck of the woods?" asked Croco.

"We're just looking for the Exor Rift," said Mimi offhandedly as she poured over the map. "Know anything about it?"

Dimentio put his face in his hands and grow and deeply. "Thanks a lot Mimi," he said, "now everybody knows." He snapped his fingers and all of a sudden Croco disappeared and reappeared in Dimension D.

"What did you have to go and do that for?" Mimi snapped.

"Worry not, my dear Mimi," replied Dimentio casually. "He shall be just as snug as a tiny little insect in a rolled up carpet. I will let him out as soon as we finish the task we set about to do. In the meanwhile, no harm will come to him and he most certainly will not starve to death."

"You know that if you forget anyone else in there again, Count Bleck will be really mad," Mimi said, tapping her foot.

"One mistake made, and you suffer it for a lifetime." Dimentio mentally moved on and began to paw around the room. The room was littered with stolen goods, stacked with crates stuffed with stolen goods, and plans detailing conspiracy to steal goods. Nothing they could use, and nothing that had been theirs. Certainly there were no clues as to the location of the Exor Rift.

"Well, we have to find _something_," said Mimi. "We couldn't find any clues in the Castle, and we can't find the Exor rift; if we don't find something soon Count Bleck is going to be awful mad at us. I just hate it when he's mad at us," she added sadly.

"Fear not, my dear Mimi," Dimentio said in a voice that was half noble and half sinister. "For I am the master of dimensions, and I shall find in this dimensional rift... With magic!"

He turned around and was just beginning to move forward when suddenly he found himself back in Castle Black. "Oh look," he said in surprise. "I really am a master of dimensions. Or perhaps the dimensions are master of me. Either way, I think I found the rift."

"Do you _mind_!" shrieked Mr. L.

This part of the rift had taken Dimentio to a random point in Castle Black. Specifically, the washroom of Castle Black. Mr. L. didn't like having his afternoon bath interrupted and Dimentio quickly warped back to the castle.

"What'dja see?" asked Mimi excitedly.

"Something that I probably will not remember until my nervous breakdown ten years from now," answered Dimentio. "You try walking towards this wall here," and he gestured towards the same wall. It was empty of objects. Although crates were pushed quite close to it, they didn't touch it.

She walked towards the wall, but before she could reach it she disappeared. Dimentio waited patiently and in a few moments she reappeared back in the room. "You'll never guess where I was!"

"That is true," said Dimentio. "I despise guessing games."

"I was at Yosh'ter Isle!" said Mimi, not listening to Dimentio. "I coulda stayed to bet on the races, but I didn't have any Yoshi cookies. Do you have any Yoshi cookies?"

"No," said Dimentio. "It looks like we found the Exor rift though. Is that any better?"

"I _guess_."

"If I had to hazard a guess as to how this theory works," said Dimentio, sweeping his hand across the wall, "it would be that paths to different dimensions spiderweb out like cracks on broken glass all throughout the area in space the rift occupies. Perhaps every square inch of this wall speaks to another dimension. Or maybe there are only three; there's no way to be sure. When you first make contact with a hole in space, it sucks you through to the other side. I wonder if it's a two-way street, as long as you are able to find the exact same spot you came from. Fascinating. The most important question is what we're going to do about it." This was Dimentio's forte. This was what he was good at, and it absolutely fascinated him.

"I say we tell count Bleck." said Mimi.

"You _would_."

"What was that?"

"I've said nothing."

* * *

_Oh, in case you were wondering about that smell that I was talking about at work. Yeah, something about a motor burning out. I'm not 100 on the details, all I know is that it was not dangerous. The next time I came into work, it was already fixed. Man, though, that was an awful smell!_


	4. 9 dash 4

EPISODE 9-4

"This is far bigger than the story of a simple robbery, mused Count Bleck. It seems that the robbery was the start of something far more sinister."

"I feel the same," said Dimentio. He hovered head-level with Count Bleck as they made their way down the halls of the castle. Movement of the body helped movement of the mind, or so the Count theorized. His mind felt active enough, anyway.

Nastasia was trotting behind them, not paying any mind to whether or not the activity was necessary. "Well, the first item of business should be to get our property back," she said.

Dimentio slapped his fist into his palm. "Ah, that's right," he said. "I left that poor fellow back in Dimension D." He looked down and thought for a second, and then shrugged. "Oh, he's probably fine."

"Very well," said Count Bleck. "Go and send O'Chunks there to rough him up a bit."

"With pleasure," said Dimentio cheerfully.

"And put them back when they're done."

"Yes, Count Bleck." He disappeared.

Count Bleck turned a corner and saw Mimi barreling down the hallway at top speed. When she was a few feet from the Count she leapt into the air and threw her arms around him, squeezing him tighter than a constrictor. All the time she was squealing, "THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!"

Count Bleck carefully peeled Mimi's arms off of him and gently placed her on the ground. "Well, your welcome, your welcome, your welcome, and so on," he said with amusement. "Now, what am I graciously accepting your gratitude for?"

"CHARLOTTE!" squealed Mimi.

"Charlotte?" asked Count Bleck.

"Charlotte! I saw her out front!"

Nastasia put her hands over her face and groaned. Count Bleck turned around. "Charlotte," he said.

"Of course," she said. "O'Chunks took her to Bowser's Castle. He must have had her trained to be a guard chomp."

"And we bought her back," finished Count Bleck. "Yes, of course."

"I've got to go tell Félicie!" she chirped, and ran off down the hall hollering, "Félicie! Come meet your big sister!"

"Don't introduce them just yet," called Count Bleck. "I don't want to clean up the mess."

"Good heavens," said Dimentio. Count Bleck jumped and turned around.

"You pop more than bubble wrap," he said. "Knock it off."

"Good," said Dimentio, "but not great."

"What do you need?" asked Count Bleck.

"I returned from my assignment to transport Mr. O'Chunks," said Dimentio. "I returned with ample time to overhear the exchange to take place. I understand our little Mimi now has two pets."

"Well, yeah, what of it?"

"It hardly seems fair that she has two pets while the rest of us have none," said Dimentio. "I wouldn't mind an animal companion."

"Don't start," warned Count Bleck. "I'll have none of your sibling rivalry today. I let Mimi have those pets to shut her up."

"But she _doesn't_ shut up," Dimentio pointed out.

"Shut up!"

Dimentio chuckled. "Very well," he said. "But do not for a moment think the matter is dropped." And again, he disappeared.

"Sibling rivalry?" said Nastasia questioningly. She raised an eyebrow.

"They fight like brother and sister," said Count Bleck. "Surely you've noticed it."

"I have."

"Well then, there you go."

* * *

They were all gathered in the meeting room, Count Bleck, Tippi, Nastasia, O'Chunks, Mimi, Dimentio, and Mr. L. Mimi was squeezing Félicie happily. Dimentio and Mr. L were avoiding one another's gaze. O'Chunks had a bag by his feet, with rubees bulging from the top and the rest of the stolen goods inside.

"I'd like to thank you all for meeting with me on such short notice," said Count Bleck humorously. "I'd especially like to thank you, Dimentio, for returning O'Chunks back to this dimension in a timely manner."

"I wasn't done wit' 'im yet!" bellowed O'Chunks.

"You'll get your chance another time," said Count Bleck.

"You're lucky he let you 'rough him up' at all!" said Tippi sternly.

"No, he's not," said Count Bleck under his breath.

"So, what's the dealio?" asked Mr. L.

"The Exor Rift," said Count Bleck, "and what that means to us."

"Is this going to be a lecture?" asked Mr. L. "Should I be taking notes?"

"No, but maybe you should just to be safe." Count Bleck straightened his monocle. "It seems that, if the secret to this Exor Rift gets out, the scope of dimensional travel will be fundamentally altered forever." He paused a moment to let the severity of that set in. "Now," he continued, "it is important for us to be aware of it, and it is doubly important for us to decide what to do next."

"May I make a suggestion?" Dimentio raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"Don't tell Bowser."

"Well, that goes without saying," said Count Bleck. "If he knew, it would just be one big barrel of trouble."

"I think he still hates you," said Mimi.

"I'm sure he does," said Count Bleck. "This is not a productive area of discussion."

"Ooh! Ooh!" Tippi cried out. "I just remembered something!"

"What?" said Count Bleck.

"Bestovius," Tippi explained. "Mario visited him to learn the dimensional-flipping power. He might know about this. He knows a lot about flipping and folding."

"Good idea," said Count Bleck. "Nastasia, take note of that."

Nastasia wrote on her clipboard, under DON'T TELL BOWSER, "CALL BESTOVIUS RE: EXOR RIFT."

"Hey," said Mr. L slowly. "I just thought of something."

"What?"

"Well," said Mr. L, "this Exor Rift is in the middle of Bowser's Keep, yeah? Well… like, did you just send Croco back there or what?"

Dimentio froze.

"Uh huh," said Mr. L.

Count Bleck groaned. "All right, we'll go over this again: you need to _think_ before you do these things!"

"Sorry, Count," said Dimentio.

"Sorry doesn't put Croco away from the Exor Rift," said Count Bleck sternly. "Sorry doesn't put all the stolen goods back where they came from."

"It should," offered Mr. L.

"Yeah, that'd be awesome," said Mimi.

"Actually, it would," said Count Bleck, "but we're not here to discuss _should_s. With one exception. You _should_ go back to the castle and put Croco into a dimension where he can't hop the rift back."

"That's mean," said Mimi.

"At this point, I just don't care."

* * *

Count Bleck leaned back in his chair in his study. Tippi rested quietly on his hat. For a long time, neither of them spoke. But eventually the silence had to be broken, and Tippi was the one to do it.

"So," she said, "what's the matter?"

"I'm beginning to realize something unpleasant," said Count Bleck.

"What's that?"

"It's never enough."

There was a pause. When it was clear that that was all Count Bleck was going to say, Tippi pressed, "What's never enough?"

"Anything, said Count Bleck with a wave of his arm. We come home from one mission, and the castle's torn apart. We find the robber, and he's found a dimension hotspot. We remove him from the hotspot, and other people could very easily find it and figure out how to use it. They figure out how to use it, and suddenly everybody's dimension-hopping willy nilly."

"Is that such a bad thing?" asked Tippi.

"Well… It changes things," he said at length.

"It makes it difficult for people to know what's going on," said Tippi. "Like when we came home and somebody had broken in, in this castle in a supposedly hard-to-reach dimension."

"Exactly."

"But now we know about the Exor Rift," she offered. "We can watch out for it in the future."

"That's right," said Count Bleck. "We can watch the _Exor Rift_. But what else is there that we don't know about."

Tippi paused. "I don't know," she said.

"Exactly."

"So, it's never enough," said Tippi lightly. "So, no matter how much good you do, there's always more good that needs to be done, and more bad to fill the gaps. The important thing is that you keep trying."

"I know that," said Count Bleck. "It's easy to say, but it just feels so… hopeless, I suppose."

"If I may," said Dimentio, startling the Count horribly.

"Dimentio!" yelped Count Bleck. "Please, I'm asking you as a friend and as a superior. Would you stop sneaking up on Count Bleck? It would mean a lot to him."

"I'll see what I can do," said Dimentio. "But, your dilemma reminds me of something an old friend told me many years ago when I was studying magic in Macro Land."

"Macro land?"

"Yes. Everything is quite large there, you see."

"Of course."

"He told me, the world is never the same after you touch it," said Dimentio.

Count Bleck nodded thoughtfully. "Is that so?"

"Yes," said Dimentio. "My life is different for having known him, for one thing."

"Is he the one who made you a horrible little demon?" asked Tippi sarcastically.

"No," said Dimentio. "But he is the one who showed me the best way to do things… with magic!"

"Why are you telling me this?" asked Count Bleck. "Is it because you care about me?"

"Heavens, no," said Dimentio. "It's in my best interest that you don't give up just yet."

"Is it now?"

"Yes. I need a place to live until I get my SAT results back."

"You're kidding."

"Yes, I am."

"So, be serious."

"Mmm, no, thank you." And with that, he disappeared.

Count Bleck shook his head. "Okay, okay, I get it," he said. "So, maybe we can make enough of a difference. Sometimes I get discouraged. But I should know it's going to work out."

Just then, Mimi pranced by the door, holding Charlotte's chain. "Hi, Count!" she called. "It's wet outside so I'm taking Charlotte for a walk inside!"

Count Bleck banged his head on the desk and left it there.

* * *

_I'm leaving for vacation in the morning, and will be back on August 12__th__. Soon after, I will present to you something much bigger, something quite grand indeed._


End file.
